World Mental Health Day 2020
As published on Facebook 9th Oct 2020
Tomorrow is World Mental Health day and like this image manages to hide my awkwardness, as I struggle to snap a selfie in a flattering light, while pointing my finger to #timetotalk AND smile at the same time, I’m reminded of my awkwardness and huge uncomfy-ness when I went through my own turbulent mind. As per the theme of WMH 2020, to Talk & Listen, I’m opening up a little more in the hope of encouraging others to break their silence, especially men…yes you, if you’re reading this!! And in light of COVID and the increase in MH, we ALL need to help breakdown those walls that stand between lightening the burden (be a listener) and sharing your troubles (talk to someone), and this is why I’m pushing the boat out further and sharing about a deeply dark and distressing side that I’ve resisted posting about so far.
Many of you will know (those who can still see my posts, for FB algorithm reasons) I suffered a triple tragedy when I lost my dad, a relationship and contracts within 100 days, back in 2008. Grief, anxiety & depression would be a natural consequence of these, right? And any one of these is debilitating enough and, I’m grateful I’ve conquered these with much self-nurturing and holistic means.BUT this is the part that makes me writhe in my seat…I hear voices (ALL kinds – from the subconscious and Extra Sensory Perception) and have visions (2D to motion picture – subconscious and premonitions).
This isn’t new either as I’ve posted about these aspects, but what I haven’t shared, as it left a scar and still manages to well me up, was being kept up for nights on end by intrusive and incessant screams & images in my mind’s eye of various woman/children being tortured and violated (different faces, different predator). That’s an out of the blue, bang I bet?
It’s all good now btw, even a guiding tool, like a golden compass, but have you ever seen/heard of SAS military training, where they torture victims, for days on end, with recurring sounds that gradually break your will and sanity? It was like that, plus a never-ending video reel that you’ve not yet learned how to switch off. I need to stress here, it’s never happened to me in reality – at home nor with ex’s. But past life, most definitely likely!!
Needless to say, all this inspired the start of my film journey and especially my feature length script, ‘A Woman’s Voice.’ I eventually discovered that I endured a Spiritual Emergency, as coined by psychiatrist, Stanislav and his wife, Christina Grof. Yogis call it a Kundalini Opening, the Shamans, Dark Night of the Soul – a turbulent spiritual experience (usually triggered by a traumatic event) that leads to a conscious awakening and more empathy/connectedness with people, nature, the cosmos – sound hippy dippy, right? But I love that part of me – more authentic and true to myself than my former life in Corporate PR (that was a reality ).
Right, go pick up the phone – talk, listen, just be there and do your part…please…even if it’s as little as little as hitting the share button!
CalmZone – Call free on 0800 58 58 58
Samaritans – Call free on 116 123