My Bold Launch into an Uncertain Certainty
Life’s become a little samey, too comfortable that it’s a little uncomfortable and I need to ratchet up the energy and take risks or risk losing out.
And so another blog in the ocean of blogs has been born. I know. I felt the same. But it’s my route to a much needed life injection so I inch closer to my heart’s desires. Ever since I was picked up from rock bottom by that Unknown Force, I’ve been pushing my boundaries to do better and reach that point when I anchor full faith in myself. More about that Unknown Force in a moment.
LOVING MYSELF, BELIEVING IN MYSELF and BEING IN THE MOMENT has become my daily prescription as ordered by that part within me who believes I’m far from a conventional Sikh born Londoner who’s edging towards the big 4 0…gracefully…apart from when I’m reduced to a teenager when a fat boil erupts on my face.
I’ll be sharing the daily stuff, as every step counts, to the largesque =>
#1 Fulfilling my BIG whale of a DREAM, three work-in-progress Screenplays inspired by my clamber up from rock bottom to believing that I CAN, ever since my Spiritual Emergency, What?
#2 Finding MR WHO? Eight years of singledom for the awkward reason – I thought I wasn’t good enough…boohoo, oh please!
And I’m nervous about this with a few twitches. If I allowed negative chatter to vomit from my ogre-self, I’d be saying. What if my life is lifeless? What if only my Mum reads this? What if I can’t stand myself today? What if, what if, what if…shurrup will ya!
Inside my head that was…
…Wonder Woman is in control. I keep hoping. But you should have seen me eight years ago. I was like a frenzied Private Benjamin (the Goldie Hawn, comedy classic) due to my Spiritual Emergency, a turbulent conscious awakening coloured with mental illness. I’m fortunate to never have needed to pop a pill nor see a man or woman in a white coat.
December 2008 was when it kicked off, the most offensive year of my life. Only months before, within 100 days, a trio of tragedies struck, I’d lost my father to terminal heart disease, a relationship and all my freelance contracts to the recession. The year I lost my self-esteem too. A loser year all round, apart from the Unknown Force, that I mentioned on the home page, which touched my shoulder.
That Unknown Force picked me up from rock bottom and kept me trooping through my mental breakdown, identity crisis, trauma and depression until I reached the other side.
It’s a sense of something directing you, above your own sixth sense or intuition, whether a voice, a vision, a presence…I can’t be sure. That’s why it’s easier to think of IT, as Yoda.
Regardless, thanks to the most offensive year of my life, I’ve been gifted life purpose. A BIG DREAM that I’m daring to touch. Plus I’m more in touch with the world, people and nature, like those peaceful, huggy, hippy people. I like them a lot. And I love myself far better than I ever did with room for more.
Love my wonky hip. Believe in my go get em NOT get in my own way attitude. Be in the moment, even in a long queue for the station toilet.
Tongue and cheek, I know, but it really has taken a while to acknowledge that my wonky hip is a gift from God – not a gift for bikini bottoms. And haphazard words like I can’t and I give up are in the past, caused by my ogre-self, which is kept at a safe distance…but, it will catch up with me if I don’t do this. As for the present moment, it’s no longer fleeing into visions of a failed future.
And I may have sour lemon days that I’ll stick two fingers up at. And I may walk through bigger, brighter, bolder doors. It’s up to me. So while my BIG whale of a DREAM and MR WHO? find their way to me or I find my way to them, or both, I’ll perhaps share:
#1 An insightful date that notches up my self-love, whether it’s with Mr Not You, Mr Let’s Be Mates, Mr Right Now or the lucky man himself, MR WHO?
#2 Tales of Action Women or Men I Love, to keep up the dynamic energy of the BIG DREAM. It’s why I named my blog LoveActionWoMen, if you haven’t sussed it out yet.
#3 A love your body recipe, no animals harmed in the making of it, for a fill in the gap day.
#4 A world injustice that I need to rant about. Dirty man pants on the bathroom floor is not allowed nor is tax avoidance by megalomaniac companies…
…or anything else that comes to mind, whilst I’m harnessing the moment.
But FIRST, if you’re up for a lengthy read or haven’t got anything better to do, let me fill you in on the background to my Big Dream and non-discovery (yet) of MR WHO?
Part#1 brings you THE BIG DREAM OF SELF BELIEF – how to anchor it is the question.
My BIG DREAM is a whopper of a whale that requires a strong heart and focus, which are rocked when my ogre-self manages to close in and slip through a verbal punch. That’s life you might say. I say a daily mental gym work out is needed. Ogre-self is not, absolutely NOT allowed to say anything.
Click here to read it.
Part#2 brings you THE BIG HOPE FOR TRUE LUURVE – how do you discover who is MR WHO? The luurve of one’s life?
True luurve isn’t easy to come by. Luurve for yourself isn’t easy to come by either. Eight years of singledom has travelled from, I didn’t think I was good enough, boohoo, oh please! To more recently, why am I still single? ever since I began to see myself in a new light. What’s wrong with you? some would say. Keep investing in myself, I say. That Unknown Force says, be in the moment, and…ogre-self wants to be loved too. What warts, burps, whoopsies an al? I say.
Click here to read it.
Disclaimer – this is not an advertisement for myself, but it should be duly noted, just in case, that I do not have warts.